Ask Lily: Confused

Ask Lily is a column on The Lily Review where users can post questions or dilemmas they may be going through and other members of the community can respond with possible solutions. Click here to send in your question. Share you solutions or thoughts in the comments.

I met this guy sometimes ago and we started dating 3 months ago the first time he sounded so serious about commitment he talked about if i could marry him and have kids with him and i decided to give him a chance, its now three months and he have never told me that he loves me, he talks a lot about how women are bad, cheaters, he also most of the time support wife beating though he have never laid hand on me,he dont open up about his past and his life in general, all i know is that he had a bad relationship where his ex gal left him for another man, we got into a fight another day and he threaten to end the relationship, pliz let me know if he is worth my time or what i should do, i have met so many guys in my life and i feel like if i break up with him i will never date again not because i love him but am just tired of the dating game.

Dear Tina*

Many people show their feelings through actions, not just words. he doesn’t have to say ‘i love you’, he can show it throught the way he treats you. A person who loves you spends time with you, is kind to you, and introduces you to his or her friends and family, meaning that he is proud of you.

Marriage is a big deal. You will share your whole life with this person, so you shouldknow about them, their family, their culture and their history. It doesn’t mean you have to know everything about them, and their ex-girlfriends/boyfriends have nothing to do with you. However, be wary of someone with too many secrets. You should at least know their family, even if you don’t know about previous affairs – your relationship should start with a clean slate so stories about past loves should be left dead, buried, cremated, and the ashes thrown of a very high cliff.

There is no excuse for violence in a relationship. Absolutely none. watch the man carefully, and the second he lays a hand on you, run far far away. Until then, don’t provoke him, a lot of women can nag a perfectly reasonable man towards violent thoughts. I’m just saying…

The earth has about 6 billion people. You shouldn’t cling to a bad relationship out of fear, there are lots of good people out there. I suggest you ask yourself your reasons for being with this man, then decide whether it’s worth it. But fear should NEVER be a reason to date/marry someone. The dating game can be tiring, even frustrating, but marrying the wrong person is a million times worse, trust me on that. So be sensible in your decision, and good luck!

Aunt Tabby

* The names have been changed for privacy purposes.

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