Overthinking 103

crystal dingsThe average man loves a challenge. So as much as he will say he hates when you play hard to get, he will be a little uneasy if you don’t. Give in too soon and he wonders how many other guys you’ve given in to. Play a little hard and your value goes up. That’s the whole point behind sexual harassment. You put him off, he thinks you’re challenge and tries harder.”

Aha. So to put off a stalker I should…

Punch him. Or embarrass him in public … then hire a bodyguard for when he hits back.”

Okay, that fit of laughter ended up with my drink all over my sofa. I’ll need to call the seat-cleaner people tomorrow. So, basically, I should not chase. And I am not to admit attraction either. Jaimie chokes into his drink as I say this, but he recovers rather quickly. The flush is there, but his voice is surprisingly controlled.

It’s like this. It’s fun when you know a girl likes you. It’s flattering, it’s a nice change. A few guys will even run with it and agree to date you. But here’s a simple question. What would you value more – a car that I gave you or a car you bought yourself?”

That’s a low blow, he can see it in my eyes.

I’m serious. Say your dad bought you a car on your birthday. You would love it, you would drive it, you would floss it. But don’t you think you’d rather buy your own car?”

But…

But nothing. The average boy runs when you say you like him because he doesn’t know how to react. He is used to chasing, so when a gaze – a girl presents herself, he is confused. The insta-reaction is flight or fight, and since he can’t hit a girl, he runs.”

That’s ridiculous.

No, it’s really not. The average guy will run. A few guys might play along and get some, since nobody turns down free … things.”

That earned Jaimie a pillow-throw. But as my aim is lousy, it ended up about 10 feet away. He laughed though, and I like it when he laughs.

Look Crys, as much as you will like the car daddy gave you, you will like your own car more. So keep your feelings to yourself and let the boy buy his own car. That’s all there is to it.”

But what if I can’t afford a car?

“Then you will drive daddy’s, but trust me, the day you get one of your own, even if it is the mother of all jalopies you will love it more.”

Okay fine. So what do I do if I know a boy likes me but he refuses to ask me out?

Nothing. You move on. If he doesn’t think you’re worth the risk embarrassment, he probably doesn’t like you that much anyway. If you want something badly enough, you will risk a lot to get it, including hurt pride and rejection.”

Are you saying you don’t like me?

Ok, I probably should not have said that, but hey. Spilt milk. At least he didn’t run away this time.

Um … Crys, you know I love you right? And you know you’re beautiful and smart and amazing and any guy would be lucky to have you, right?”

This is not going to end well, is it?

I just don’t see you that way, is all.”

What way?

I don’t know …. You’re just not … a girl I’d date.”

Okay. Now I’m speechless. I’m looking right at him, but I can’t say anything. I’m not entirely sure what I’m thinking in that moment. Even now, days later, I’m still not sure. I don’t think I was even actually seeing him even though I was looking right at him. This is getting … interesting …

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Crystal Ading' is a professional author, editor, rock lover and mother. Her work is available through threeceebee.com.

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