This is who I’ve become. An introspective adult. Sometimes I hide behind a facade. I’m happy. No, am sad. Wait, could I be both? Who and what defines me? My work, love life, career, children, background, friends, financial success? I found myself asking this question in my late thirties because there is so much changing and ‘morphing’ we put ourselves through…sometimes to fit in. Sometimes from love, fear or retaliation. But whom are we loving or hating on? What is it about me that I simply accept and just love? Why must I hate any… Continue reading →
New phases in life are…scary…interesting…exciting. It all depends on where you are coming from. Hannah, my dear friend, is just starting a new-ish phase in many ways and wonders sometimes if she will hack it. Separated, new job, new town, a kid on the way…she collapses in a heap on my shoulder. “Why don’t they stay? Why do I keep looking for love in intimate entanglements that get me nowhere? How will I feed this young ‘un with no ‘second hand’ to feed him/her?” she wailed, dramatically. She has been posted to Kakamega to open a… Continue reading →
You lie awake doing the math and everything adds up to wealth and fortune. After all, numbers don’t lie. Counting the numbers imagining what you could do with all that money. Love sure breaks hearts but businesses break even more hearts! Raised expectations followed by massive disappointments in many cases. Massive debts, unreliable people, disappointing numbers, tested passions and broken dreams. It helps to be positive but it saves a whole lot more to be realistic. In the calculations, do you account for the fact that not everything goes according to plan? There is a… Continue reading →
Everyone has their kryptonite. That one person that never fades into oblivion. They remain a constant in your ever-changing life. So many come and go in your life, most of whom have no effect on your life. This one person can ask for you back and you will drop everything for them. Irrational love, irrational attraction – a force to reckon with. Doesn’t know how to love you, how to treat you, but for some mad reason, all of you remains stuck in memories and images of you and them. You replay the good and… Continue reading →
I hate to admit it but I am sort of a know-it-all. Actually I am a know-it-all. I do not know the roots of this attitude exactly but I certainly know that it worked out terribly for me as a new mother. Instead of asking veteran mothers questions, I Googled and Googled. I read all the “How to” motherhood books I could lay my hands on and YouTubed “little” things like breastfeeding, changing baby diapers and washing baby. I remember a mummy friend suggesting to me to go for classes on motherhood at one of… Continue reading →
Thursday, 27th June 2014. A dreary day that had been made even drearier by the thought of sitting in a boardroom for a whole friggin day as different vendors walked in to pitch their Customer Relationship Software solutions. Have you ever listened to a proper Indian with a proper Indian accent do a two hour presentation? I listened to four. That’s 8 hours of not understanding half the stuff the presenters were saying. Let’s just say, for now I have postponed any trips to India, indefinitely. I had reached that ‘shoot-me-now’ point when the last… Continue reading →
“Dude, didn’t that mama notice the ring on your finger?” “Wapi! Maybe she thought it was bling” “Bling on your wedding ring finger? Stop making up excuses for her Man” “What are you trying to say?” “I’m saying she wants you to give it to her like a Spartan!” “He he he, I’m a married Man” “Lawrence bana, what happened to you? Now I believe in Miracles kabisa!” “I don’t know. You really think that girl wanted me?” “Dude, she was all over you the whole night, took your number, introduced you to her friends,… Continue reading →
My daughter belongs so beautifully in my life that sometimes I think I imagined her. That I imagined her innocent stare, or her silky skin, or her bubbly baby talk. Or her soft hair. I had never imagined though, that my daughter would raise me. My daughter is raising me to be a morning person. In my hey-days, I was the ultimate 10 hours a night minimum kind of girl. Now, I am the ultimate early riser. Her wails at 4am every morning leave me with no choice but to save my eardrums and pick… Continue reading →
Week after week I have sat and watched myself become what my mother feared I would become; a product of my own de-motivation. I exist but I do not live. The morning breeze is nothing but a state of weather and the wind through where I wish my long silky hair might have been is a figment of nature. Nothing powerful. Nothing worth jotting a few musical notes about. I watch my friends go through life. making the best of what they were granted and it hit me. Have I not learned? What have I… Continue reading →
I got a weird message from someone, let’s call him ‘friend’, accusing me of all manner of things. Telling me to stop my stupidity and that if I want him to go back to his bad boy in the hood days he can do it, and all manner of stuff. I was perplexed, shocked even. My first thought was I should get angry; but I thought, poor boy must be deranged or something, perhaps he has undergone something traumatic and just needs to vent; but why vent out on me, what did I do? My… Continue reading →